Being honest about my weight issues & asking for advice

I have always struggled with my weight, i don't think I've ever been happy in my own skin, even as a child. I lost my Nanna in August 2019 (i say Nanna but she was more like a mum to me as she brought me up) whilst going through photo albums found in her house i found a selection of photos taken when i was around 8/9 this was when i first started worrying about my weight. Looking back now, i wasn't really overweight then, i looked like an average child but it was the beginning of a life long battle with my body.

I won't pretend that my weight issues are anyone's fault but my own, i won't pretend that it is all down to health issues though some of my health problems do have an affect on my ability to lose weight. The main issue is i don't eat properly or exercise enough.

I have tried various diets including:
- Slimming world, quite a few years ago, which didn't work for me as my body doesn't like pasta or carbs much. It gives me horrible tummy ache and i just can't lose whilst eating too many carbs.
- Meal replacements plans, the last time i tried this i ended up in hospital as i got very ill and my auto-immune disease (guttate psoriasis) flared up awfully which resulted in me having to go on some rather strong medication to try and heal the skin all over my body.
- Low calorie diets, this is what i'm currently attempting, on my own from home. I keep record of what i eat in an app. I usually only consume 1500 - 1800 but obviously that is not a big enough deficit to get any results.

I'm guilty of not eating in the morning, then eating too much late in the day.
I'm also guilty of 'eating my feelings' when i feel low i eat comfort foods, foods i know don't help my body but make me feel better in that moment.

I do cook from scratch.
I do eat what i would consider a healthy balanced diet, most of the time.

I joined the gym in December 2019, a challenge for four reasons
1. Financial, it is a struggle enough as it is but i decided to downgrade my phone and use the savings towards a monthly gym membership
2. Time, finding time to go between being a mum, working and freelancing is a challenge
3. I'm always tired!
4. I have extreme anxiety, i don't cope well with people outside of my own home / shop. I have been doing my best to get past this and tend to 'zone out' when i am there on my own and have had a lovely friend come with me when she can.
Despite these 'excuses' though i have manged to get myself to the gym a few times a week at least. I'm going to attempt getting there more times a week even if just a short 30mins whenever i have the time.
*I dream of one day taking part in the Grizzly, i used to love running pre-kids.

So what is the point in this post?

I guess for me this post is about accountability. This is me being honest and saying YES i know i am over weight and YES i want to do something about it.

If you see me eating unhealthy foods, remind me of this post.

If you have any suggestions on something i could try or any advice please do leave comments here on the blog.

I really want to lose weight not just for me to feel better in my own skin but so that my sons can have a healthy and more confident mum who is setting a better example for them.